“A group of hedgehogs meet each other on a cold winter day. They gather together to stay warm. The sharp spines of hedgehogs can sink into the bodies of other hedgehogs that stumble upon them, causing them to hurt one another. They feel very cold when they are separated. Hedgehogs move back and forth to find the best distance. They finally find the right distance to warm each other up.” Did you enjoy the story. This story is told in Being Human written by Engin Gençtan, a book that I love very much. Like all stories, there’s a message. Psychiatrist Engin Gençtan compares people to hedgehogs in the story and talks about the need to draw healthy boundaries They will decide for themselves.

The topic of this article is: We must set boundaries with others in our relationships. Two concepts that complement one another are drawing boundaries and being able say no. We need boundaries in our relationships to be able autonomize and assert ourselves. Boundaries help us find our truth and defend our values. A state can become independent by drawing its borders. It is impossible to become independent without thinking about ourselves and saying no when we are threatened. We must set our boundaries and create our universe in order to grow.

Once we have agreed that healthy boundaries are good for us, then we can start to figure out how to get there. First, let me give you some background information about why this might be happening.

Why is it so difficult to define boundaries?

Our past Experiences with our family, how they approach us, their attachment with the mother and our character traits. Our ability to draw lines with our family. Existing emotions Beatitudes differ. We can discuss difficulties in setting boundaries in adulthood if we are unable to be independent and individual in any of these parameters. If we consider it socially, if we were raised in an environment that made saying no shameful, ridiculed, or punished, then we might have difficulty drawing boundaries in adult life. This is the best way. The goal of caring about others’ needs and wishes is the essence of good behavior. However, Our greatest responsibility in life is to satisfy our own needs and wants. This makes us self-centered and not self-centered.

How do we draw healthy boundaries

If you feel you should, set healthy boundaries You can use the following steps to improve your relationships and interactions with others.

1. Due Diligence

If we do not Know what you need We don’t know where to start or what to do. Get a pen and paper, and write down your thoughts. List by determining which relationships you want to establish boundaries with and on which subjects.

2. Analyse in detail

Consider what is keeping you from defining boundaries for the issues that you have identified in your research. In your mind, visualize an example of exemplary behavior from the past Notice your feelings, thoughts and physical reactions. Is there anything that can keep you from drawing borders? “He won’t like it if I say no.” Or ‘If he says no, he will think that I am incompetent. Note such thoughts if you notice them.

3. Awareness

Remember the negatives of the past Experiences about setting boundaries. Are you adamant that a certain environment, time, or subject is most effective for you? Are there any similarities between them? Write down anything that grabs your attention. .

4. Profit/Loss Analysis

Now consider all of the details that you have seen so far. You can list each item and indicate what changes will occur in the short- and long-term if you are able to draw boundaries and say no to these people or to these issues. It is important to assess it objectively and as broadly as possible. You can seek the advice of someone who trusts your ideas if you so desire.

5. Probability Study

Imagine the consequences of not agreeing to draw a limit if you feel it is in your best interest. What are the worst and most positive outcomes that could occur if you don’t say yes to another person and establish your boundaries? What are the most likely outcomes? These should be noted.

6. Reward/Price

You should consider the cost and rewards that you will incur if you draw the line. After each item is done, make a note. Each item should be given a score between 1-5. Example: If I can draw borders, my self-esteem will rise (5 points), and when I can draw limits, others can judge me and criticize (3 points).

7. Attempts 1 – 2.

It is time for us to reflect upon the Change in your thoughts To be a good person. You should choose an event that is easy for you, with 3-4 points out 10 points. This will be the event where you have the most fun. You can express your limitations to the other person when you say no to an event. After the trial, notice your emotions and thoughts.

8. Habit

Ask yourself if it was as difficult as you thought. How did it feel to draw my boundaries? What did this result in? What did it cost me? It is a good habit to set boundaries. Continue practicing on ever more difficult issues Problems in your everyday life