Why do we attempt to relate to others? Why does not every relationship have the same meaning? Despite Our expectation is to be recognized, accepted and approved. This is a constant in all relationships.The failure to meet expectations is the root cause of most interpersonal problems. Transactional Analysis (TA), a communication model in psychology. This model analyzes behavior In Interpersonal relationships Communication, states and communication. Each individual can be classified into three main groups. Transactional Analysis, in other words, expresses our feelings. Life position The attitude we have towards others and toward life.

In the 1950s, Dr. Eric Berne laid the foundations for Transactional Analysis. Eric Berne says there are three states to the self.

  1. Status
  2. Form for Adults
  3. Child Status

Every person reacts to the events according to their self-state.


  • The Self-Realization of the Individual: Our parents are our protective, perfectionist, critical, and protective selves. Our parent selves are made up values, beliefs, rules and patterns we learn from our parents. It also includes advice and help.
  • Adult Self Responsible, solution-oriented self. When we act as our adult selves, it is rational, logical and concrete to take decisions. Reality and common sense win.
  • The child self It avoids taking responsibility, is complacent, takes things lightly, it is spontaneous, but enjoys life. We can use our child selves to approach situations where our fears, needs, and emotions are outweighed.

Each person is made up of these three parts, but our reactions to the events that occur also influence our personality.

You need to ask three questions To find out which self-state was mentioned above, You and the person infront of you share the same feelings, so there is no need to put yourself in a box about what kind of situations you are in.

  • Which self-states can I use in which situations?
  • Is my message accurate?
  • What effect did I get?

To make your communication more effective, you can ask the following questions:

  • Which self-state would the other person prefer?
  • Which self-state do you prefer when communicating with others? How can I influence the self-state that I choose to start from?

How can we tell which self-state is being adopted by the other person?

These self-states are visible in both our Business life and our bilateral relationships, we can understand how the other person uses words, tones, facial expressions, and with what self-state.

So, what are these words and tones, gestures?

1. Words


  • Always
  • Never
  • Do this/Don’t do that
  • in our time
  • It is important to
  • Never forget
  • It is up to you
  • Remember the rules
  • What do other people think?

 Adult Self

  • Let’s give it a shot.
  • Who
  • What
  • When?
  • How
  • Which
  • It’s because
  • Probably

 Parenting a Child

  • According to me
  • Terrible
  • Could you please assist me?
  • Ayyy!
  • …I want
  • Fantastic
  • Super
  • Silence
  • Beautiful

2. Tone of voice


  • Critic
  • Commanding
  • Encouragement
  • Authoritarian
  • Hard

Adult Self

  • Open
  • interrogator
  • Comfortable
  • Realistic
  • Compatible

Parenting a Child

  • Cynical
  • Excited
  • Caring
  • Screaming
  • Tearful

3. Mimics


  • He points with his finger
  • serious expression
  • Unattractive look
  • Nod
  • Embrace

Adult Self

  • an inquiring glance
  • Do not
  • Comfortable
  • Proper posture

Parenting a Child

  • big eyes
  • Tearful
  • shy-eyed
  • Pout
  • bent double

These techniques and asking these questions help us identify situations that are causing us problems in our relationships and determine how to manage them. Relationship healthier.