We have four options to interpret negative messages from others, verbally and nonverbally.
This is the first to be tackled by criticism and accusation.
Let’s say, for example, that someone is angry and says:
“You are one of the most selfish people I’ve ever met!”
We will react if we take on ourselves. “I should have been more sensitive!” It could have been. We can blame ourselves when we accept the judgement of others. This is detrimental to our self-esteem. We end up paying the price in guilt, shame and depression.
The second option is to blame the speaker…
Then, “You’re the most selfish person that I’ve ever met.” We disagree with the sentence.
“You do not have the right to make such a statement!” Your needs are always considered. You are the selfish one.
We will become angry if we interpret what is being said in this manner and then blame the speaker.
If we get a negative message, the third option is to direct the light from our consciousness towards our feelings and needs.
Our answer could be:
“I am offended when people tell me that I am selfish. I am grateful for your effort. Considered Choose your preferred preferences
If we pay attention to our emotions and needs, it becomes clear that the hurt that we feel in that moment is a result of our failure to recognize our efforts to be appreciated.
Our fourth When we receive a negative message, the best thing to do is direct the light of your consciousness towards the feelings and needs of the other person It is the moment you are expressing.
We could then ask, for instance:
“Are your feelings offended that you want more consideration for your suggestions?”
Instead of blame others for our emotions we can accept and affirm the existence of our needs, desires and expectations. The difference in the two sentences below that express disappointment is obvious.
- I was disappointed that I didn’t make it last night.
- I was disappointed that you didn’t make it. Because I wanted to discuss some things last night These were my problems.
Statement A places the responsibility for the disappointment on the behavior of the other party. Statement B attributes his disappointment to an unmet need.
Let’s take another look.
- It was a bother to me that they cancelled the contract.
- They canceled my contract, which I found irresponsible.
Statement A attributes the responsibility for the disappointment completely to the actions of the other party. Sentence B on the other side, recognizes the existence of the thoughts that caused his illness and takes responsibility for his emotion. He is aware that his accusatory A way of thinking He feels uncomfortable.
We must ask: Which of his desires, expectations and hopes were not met?
We can make it easier for others to understand our feelings and respond with compassion if we can relate to our needs. He could link his feelings and his needs to say:
“I was upset when they canceled my contract, because I was hoping that there would be an opportunity for me to rehire those workers we laid off last years.”
The key to activating guilt-ridden people is to place the blame for our emotions on the other person.
Parents might say, for example, to their children that “Getting poor grades at school makes them very upset.” They implicitly suggest that the child’s behavior is unacceptable. Behavior causes Their happiness and unhappiness. While it might seem as though taking responsibility for someone else’s feelings is an act of caring, in fact, the child is the one responsible. It feels terrible When he sees his parents suffering. The child He changes his behavior It is because his parents want it. He doesn’t want this responsibility fully.
Dr. Let’s take responsibility for our emotions Keep these lines from Marshall Rosenberg in your mind. We will discuss it more; we will delve into the subject.