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10 Rules You Should Know To Feel Confident

There is a saying, ‘gaining self-confidence,’ that has been going on for years in psychology. From bestselling weekly magazines to psychotherapy sessions, everyone seems to have a common goal of ‘gaining self-confidence. Is self-confidence a skill that can be acquired, or is it a state of mind? Let’s try to understand together.

What is self-confidence?

Self-confidence is a feeling that describes the feeling of being sure of one’s actions. On the other hand, it is possible to come across it as a common phrase we frequently use in our language: Acting with self-confidence. We can interpret this idiom as taking action with confidence and self-confidence. I think the skill part we want to acquire refers to this phrase. So, is it possible for us to pretend to be without feeling self-confident?

In my opinion, to be self-confident, we must first feel confident about the subject we want to be self-confident about. If you are going to cook a meal you have made many times while hosting an important guest, it is possible to cook your meal confidently by displaying self-confident behavior. However, suppose you prepare a recipe for your guest that you have never tried before. In that case, it is unlikely that you will make the recipe with 100% confidence because you do not know whether you will make that recipe well or whether the result will be satisfactory. If you make this recipe and are happy with the result, yes! Now you can feel confident about making this recipe.

Russ Harris, the author of The Confidence Gap, agrees with me. He even discussed this issue in depth in his book and talked about ten rules we must accept to feel confident. I want to introduce you to these ten rules in this article.

1. The movement of self-confidence comes first, the feeling of self-confidence second.

Exhibiting the behavior first is the first step to take in building a sense of self-confidence. If we want to act confidently, we must first work rather than wait for the feeling to develop because we will not be able to feel confident without proving to ourselves whether we have done that action.

2. Real self-confidence is not the absence of fear but the transformed relationship with fear.

Getting out of your comfort zone will bring a certain amount of fear and anxiety. It is a very human reaction to be afraid of an action that we have experienced for the first time. If we interpret the feeling of self-confidence as not being scared at all, we have false expectations. Being self-confident is not being afraid of failure but being able to shape your relationship with fear without seeing it as an enemy.

3. Negative thoughts are every day. It is important to separate from them without fighting them.

As humans, our minds tend to see the negative side of things. Because noticing negativity helped primitive humans to recognize dangers and take the essentials necessary for survival quickly, we may be inclined to think negatively because of the legacy they left us, but this does not mean that all our thoughts are correct. If we can only see the thought as a thought and not perceive it as 100% natural, it may be easier to act without taking them so seriously.

4. Personal acceptance fosters self-esteem.

Stepping out of your comfort zone may not always result in a feeling of self-confidence. We can fail, and we can make mistakes. In such moments, instead of judging and criticizing ourselves, accepting the error by taking the information we can take as a profit from that event often increases our self-esteem.

5. True success is living up to your values.

We have values that show us how to live life. These are the messages that guide us through misty weather. They tell us where we should go. If we act by our values, it shows that we are already successful.

6. Hold on lightly to your values, but practice them persistently.

Of course, our life values and guiding principles can be shaped and changed in the process. Our values may change. At some point in life, freedom can be precious to file love, and commitment can be exceptional at another time. The important thing is that the person behaves persistently in line with his values.

7. Don’t get hung up on results; Be passionate about the process.

Is it essential to set a goal in life and achieve it? Or is it to strive decisively for that goal, to spend effort and time for it? What matters to us is the process itself rather than the result. While traveling to a place, our experiences, feelings, and what we see during the journey are as important as reaching that place.

8. Don’t fight your fear. Allow him, befriend him, and guide him.

Making friends with fear is like riding a wild horse. Being friends with him, relating to him, allowing him to exist, understanding his anger, and sometimes just letting him talk can strengthen your bond. What is your fear trying to tell you? What is he trying to warn you for? Try to understand this.

9. Failure hurts, but failure is a great teacher if we are willing to learn.

You are not new to the knowledge that failure teaches us a lot. Looking at your own experiences, you may realize that even your worst life has taught you something. Look to know about it. If you encounter unsuccessful attempts, ask what you can learn. What do you need to change for the next time?

10. The key to reaching the pinnacle of performance is fully engaged in the task.

Staying with the flow means focusing all our attention on our actions and not noticing how time passes. If we want to perform confidently, we must maintain mental and physical integrity, focus our attention and stay in the flow. In this way, our performance will reach its peak.